he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
