I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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