I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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