yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
