i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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