Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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