i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
