I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
