I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
