I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
