I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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