i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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