At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
