So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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