am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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