I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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