Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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