Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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