No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Damn victory sex feels great
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
