In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When are your genitals available?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
