also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
