I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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