I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My balls are so social today.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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