I'm going to jail i love you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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