she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
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Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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