mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
