If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
