It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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