the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
