please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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