If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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