I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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