soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
