Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
