Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
