Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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