I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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