we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
operation harelip BJ is a go
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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