I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
