dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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