smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
