Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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