i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
