think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
