Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
