i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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