Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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