Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
