Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
