If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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