dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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