and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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