he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
