i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
