we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
