So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
