Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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