My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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