So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
