At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
where am i from again
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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