Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its not stalking. its research.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
