just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
