I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize