We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
