The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.