So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
