just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off