im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?