I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
