Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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