i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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