everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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