plz talk dirty to me
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
